That’s what my domestic help tells me and I am unable to answer her anything different after listening to her and other working women’s stories. How can we change that mind-set? Why are women still victimised? And yes, they are not just the lower working class but across the social strata. I would like the answer to be No for every girl/women but then that does not seem so in many cases. Let’s take the below cases
- A girl aged 26, working as domestic help since childhood, living with her 2 elder brothers who mistreat her at their will. She tries to run away but is cajoled to come back and keep home for the 2 brothers as a family. She does earn some money, but is asked to shell out more than her share for the rent of the house without getting any respect, love, care or support from her supposed family. She worries for basic needs of food, house and clothing along with the umpteen eve-teasing that she encounters daily on her way in and out of work.
- A girl aged 34, well educated, fun-loving with happy go lucky attitude, marries a good looking, well-educated NRI, has a kid and then is mistreated by her in-laws and her husband to the extent of physical and mental collapse. She is unable to take care of herself and is left dependent on her aging parents.
- A girl aged 36 years, working as domestic help, has 2 kids, husband who has a steady job. Suddenly, they have an accident; both are badly hurt but luckily get through with surgeries. Then the guy remarries on the pretext that he wants a boy. Again, she worries of basic needs for herself and her 2 daughters.
- A girl of 26 years from a remote village is married off at 16. The husband leaves her after 10 years, her parents don’t support her, and she runs to her maternal uncle in a big town. Instead of guiding her, the uncle seduces her. She believes he wants to marry her but he is not yet divorced from his earlier wife. She is worried about where to live, how to live, what to do, how long to wait.
Now in all the above cases the girls are knowingly or unknowingly a victim of domestic violence, public molestation or infidelity. She has options to file a complaint, fight her case or get help from NGOs.
But in each of the above cases there are limitations to what level of support is provided, how soon the justice is reached ensuring the girls dignity is maintained throughout the proceedings. I think that is the trouble – I haven’t heard or seen people in above cases maintaining a level of dignity to handle these sensitive cases. People find cheap thrill in shredding someone to pieces at the smallest pretext and especially when it is related to sex and violence which are taboo topics. There is no compassion shown towards the victim. And according to one national newspaper article a girl is never considered a victim but the one who seduces the guy!!
- http://www.ndtv.com/article/india/in-and-around-delhi-cops-blame-rapes-on-women-tehelka-investigation-with-ndtv-194735
- http://www.firstpost.com/living/from-the-delhi-police-six-reasons-why-women-deserve-to-be-raped-269957.html
So if we want us, our daughters and other girls to not to feel violated or victimised at any point of our lives then as an individual we need to ensure below aspects in our lives.
- Be mentally strong and clear to make our own decisions
- Learn that we have right to maintain self-respect and dignity in all our relationships and cannot be weakened by emotions/family obligations that debase us
- Be physically fit to respond to any physical abuse
- Be able to earn our living without depending on brothers or husband to provide for it
Unfortunately, I realise a girl unlike a guy does need to fight for her self-respect, dignity and physical security on a day to day basis as that is something NOT given in our society.
At his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice he is the worst. – Aristotle (384 BC-322 BC)
